One day you wake up feeling normal – smiling, happy and looking forward to spending time with your siblings and parents. Yet, you feel like everything has happened overnight. Things that you didn’t mind before suddenly become a problem.
You start screaming at your parents and are sent to your bedroom. Why do I get so angry? Are you going crazy? This is just one of the developmental issues your family needs to learn to manage? This is the question that worries you most: Why do I get so angry?
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Why am I so Angry All the Time?
As your body begins to transition from child to adolescent, your brain triggers the flow of hormones. Unfortunately, your body isn’t used to these substances, and you begin to feel confusing and conflicting emotions, according to TeensHealth. You also experience mood swings that might scare you – one moment; you’re laughing with your mom; in the next, you’re struggling not to yell at her, wondering, “Why am I angry all the time?”.
Some parents have likened the hormone rushes to the hits of drugs that addicts take. While you and your peers aren’t using drugs, the hormones flowing through your bloodstream and brain can make you act in ways that are uncharacteristic for you.
Hormone rushes aren’t the only things to cause your emotions to go out of whack. Think about the stress you’re under at school, home and in society. You’re doing more homework than you’ve ever had to do before. You like someone, and you’re not sure they like you back. In some school districts across the U.S., students take many more standardized tests, some of which affect their ability to graduate from high school.
That is a pressure they may not be ready to handle. Result: They find themselves blowing up at everyone around them, then they begin to ask themselves: “Why am I always angry?” They may not be angry all the time, but it feels like it. They may not like it, either.
For these teens, awareness is the first step. Before tackling their tendency to blow up at everything, they need to realize that anger is a normal emotion. It’s how they handle their feelings at the moment that counts. Asking, “Why am I always angry?” may help.
Teens need to learn to identify what they are feeling and why they are feeling it. This means that the “stupid” thing their parents may have said isn’t the reason they want to yell at them. Instead, it may be that they had to do four hours of homework the day before, and they still have several more hours to complete before they are finished for the week. Teenagers have the mental ability to develop self-awareness.
Why Do I Get So Angry?
Many teens experience anger and rebellion. It’s a natural part of their development. Unfortunately, some teens and adults tend to bottle up their anger. As they experience more and more irritants, they eventually blow up, losing their tempers in one huge blowout. Other teens and adults express their feelings as they experience an irritant.
It’s the second group of teens that expresses their feelings appropriately, according to Family Education. That is, something happens, and they get angry in a proportional way to the trigger.
The first group of teens may have a blowout that is way out of proportion. If, for instance, a teen from this group had been stuffing their feelings for several days wanted to watch a particular television program, they didn’t get to do so. Instead of focusing on the loss of their television program for a few minutes, they begin to rant and scream at the family member responsible for the teen not viewing their program.
They may kick the dining room table leg or throw their backpack down the hallway. They scream or holler as loudly as possible, ensuring that neighbours can hear every word they say. Deep within, they may wonder, “Why am I angry?”
Why Do People Get Angry?
Something triggers the anger that teens experience. Today’s teens are more likely to experience more stressors than teens of earlier decades did. The U.S. has been continuously at war since 2002, meaning that many of today’s teens have never known peacetime. School shootings and rough economic conditions add to the stress. Frequent changes can also add to the stresses teens are dealing with, writes KidsHealth.
From increased academic expectations to after-school jobs or sports, these teens are busy doing something almost every hour they are awake. They may not have much time to relax and “be.” As pressures build, they may wonder, “Why am I so angry right now?”
In addition, they struggle with who they are and like themselves. If they are being bullied, navigating this important developmental step suddenly grows even more difficult.
Teens are supposed to begin separating themselves from their parents. It’s a sign that their parents are raising them right when they begin to make their own autonomous decisions, even when their parents don’t like those decisions. For example, if they begin to hang out with a kid their parents don’t like, they may tell their parents that they have the right to choose their friends.
The same battles can arise over hairstyles or length, clothing; grades; extracurricular activities. Teens who easily accept their parents’ decisions may feel scared and confused as they find themselves gravitating to people, activities and fashions their parents may not approve of. As they struggle to make themselves heard, they may go through – and cause – some arguments as they struggle to make themselves heard. Here are some of the areas that can cause teen-parent conflict:
- My family has other priorities, and they don’t have time for me.
- I have too much on my mind and can’t control some of what’s going on.
- My parents argue with each other. Why can’t they handle their disagreements?
- It’s easier to be angry at my parents than it is to be afraid.
- When my parents make me feel guilty about a past event, I get angry.
- If I had a bad day and wanted to forget it ever happened, I get angry at mom and dad for asking about my day.
Why Do I Get Angry So Easily?
Your parents were teens themselves. Believe it or not, they remember those days, and they know you’re going through some confusing times and feelings. They want to help you get through what can feel like a frightening time.
While you may not want to remember your teacher yelling at you or one of the “mean girls” at school making fun of you, they will understand if you tell them a little about your day. They may not agree with what you want to do or what you did to handle a situation, but you may feel a little better once you’ve expressed yourself to them.
Your parents can’t avoid upsetting you. But they’re human, and they’re going to make mistakes as they try to help you.
If your parents try to handle your anger by getting angry and insulting you, this won’t help you. Instead, they may suggest going into separate rooms to cool down. Once everyone is less emotional, they may discuss your situation more calmly and develop some solutions.
Parents, here are a few tips as you work on parenting a teen who always seems angry:
- Stick with it. Continue expressing your love for your child. It’ll sink in.
- Develop a sense of humour. The arguments and behaviour are going to happen. But, according to Psych Central, when you’re able to put a humorous twist on your relationship, you may be able to look at it from a new perspective.
- Don’t take your teen’s anger personally. Their anger may come from another source.
- Your teen is just as scared as you are.
- Allow your teen to save face if they have gone too far. Kid them.
- Understand the anger may be masking teen depression. If their anger isn’t proportional, ask for a professional evaluation.
Why Do I Feel So Angry?
Some teens have anger problems that are expressed in physical aggression and even violence. These parents shouldn’t hide the violence and aggression, especially if their child acts out against them or another family member. Instead, they need to get help for their teen and family. The parents may feel as though they have failed somehow in raising or controlling their teens.
According to the National Health Service, an aggressive or violent teen can cause the home environment to become tense and fearful.
Parents are their teen’s role models – by modelling aggression, they communicate to their teens that aggression is acceptable. Instead, they should try to stay calm as they give their teens a chance to express themselves.
Summary
As children become adolescents and teens, their hormones and feelings can confuse them, resulting in anger toward parents and family members. They may not want to admit that they ask themselves, “Why am I so angry?” This is normal. How families handle this change determines how everyone will come out at the other end.
