Why Acting like a “Cool Girl” Gets You a Boyfriend

Why Acting like a “Cool Girl” Gets You a Boyfriend

This generation’s form of the desperate single girl wears an almost impenetrable disguise. Instead of becoming a woman who dresses provocatively to gain male attention (although these women are still everywhere), many girls are learning a new kind of tactic to gain the attention of men—and to keep it.

Such a woman can refer to herself as the “cool girl.” These are the girls who pretend that they are one of the guys, when they secretly prefer watching the Bravo channel and having a glass of wine with their best friends to participating in poker night during Monday night football. There are, in fact, some women who are raised around men. For these women (myself included), spending time with men generally feels very comfortable—you know what statements bore most men to death, and you know what team to favor. In order to please men, these women continue to act like the average guy. However, when does the language and action filter stop? When can you be yourself? For a cool girl, the effort to maintain this attractive image never stops. If the truth rears its head, it tends to do so only after the woman has already achieved a commitment from a man.

How to be a “cool girl”

Those who have not grown up around brothers or male cousins may not know what men find “cool” in a girl. “Cool girls” make clear statements about hating drama, and they avoid gossip at all costs (at least in front of men). These girls claim to like the same sports teams and quickly become familiar with the team’s players.

“Cool girls” seem just like one of the guys, except for the fact that they are attractive girls. They do not have an opinion or even notice when their male companions drink or smoke too much—these girls do not judge men for behavior under any circumstances. Instead, they join in the “fun” or invite along a couple of their cutest girl friends to hang out with the group. Men see “cool girls” as friends with the potential for a real relationship.

You can be one—but should you?

The truth always comes out eventually. If you genuinely do not enjoy baseball, then do not pretend that baseball is your favorite sport. Those who do pretend will inevitably tire of the act at some point. Couples can bring different hobbies and interests to the table, which makes for sustainable and intriguing conversation. Be open to learning about baseball, and your partner may just appreciate you that much more for your effort.

The topic of the “cool girl” is examined in detail in the movie “Gone Girl” (as well as the novel of the same name). Although the film takes the concept to extremes, the actual analysis of this type of person has obvious significance in modern culture. The main character finds herself (no spoilers!) unable to keep up the “cool girl” charade with her husband. She begins to examine the issue: “Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football […] while somehow maintaining a size 2. Cool girls never get furious; they just smile wistfully, lovingly, and let their guys do anything they want.”

Gillian Flynn (author of “Gone Girl”) explains that the character feels frustrated that men truly believe these women exist. Men believe the “cool girl” exists mostly on account of the fact that there are countless women who are willing to be whatever and whoever the man wants. But if you continue to be the woman your man wants to see, then how can you ever know if he loves you for who you truly are?

Watch your back if your man has a “cool girl” friend

“Cool girls” often have many close guy friends. If your boyfriend or husband has one such friend, then you might have already discovered the trouble that can arise. Some of these girls may genuinely mean well. However, the ones who refuse to reduce contact when their guy friend commits to a relationship often create problems down the road. If you have an issue in your relationship, then your man may go straight to this friend for advice. If the “cool girl” has any feelings for this guy, then she can and will work (tirelessly and effortlessly) to make you sound like the drama queen. And if your partner adopts this view, it can seriously tarnish a relationship. Remember, there will always be girls like this out there—all that matters is how your partner chooses to deal with them.


GoodReads. Gone Girl Quotes.