Whether you’re a woman struggling to find love or you’re in a relationship and hoping to maintain the interest of your partner, you may find yourself wondering what makes a woman desirable. While there’s no magic formula for making yourself devastatingly sexy and interesting to everyone you meet, there are certain key traits that men repeatedly highlight as particularly attractive.
There are considerably fewer data about what women find appealing in other women, but it’s fair to assume that many of these traits will apply across the board. Consider this list, and reflect on fruitful, fun areas for personal development.
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1. Their self-esteem comes from within
Highly desirable women tend to be confident without being arrogant. In addition, their confidence comes from stable self-esteem that isn’t reliant on external sources—especially not their partners. They are aware of their own worth, value their achievements, and don’t need a man to tell them that they’re making meaningful contributions to the world.
2. They are resilient
Resilient people know how to adapt to life’s stresses, bouncing back instead of crumbling. A large part of this type of resilience is a talent for emotional regulation—an ability that dramatically increases your desirability. Essentially, very attractive women know how to process their own feelings and deal with them maturely, rather than taking out anger on their partners or behaving erratically.
They have ways of blowing off steam (using methods that range from exercise to cathartic writing), they know how to relax (whether they prefer yoga or escaping into a great fiction book), and their partners can expect them to be on an even keel most of the time.
3. They know what approach to sex works for them
Highly desirable women typically enjoy sex and are not embarrassed to admit it, but that doesn’t mean they necessarily rush into having it with every attractive suitor they meet. There’s a real benefit to waiting a while to have sex, as physical intimacy induces the release of oxytocin—sometimes called the “love hormone” or “cuddle hormone.”
While some women fit the stereotypically male profile of being able to detach sex from emotional attachment, others find that the surge of oxytocin skews their perception and makes them think they’ve fallen for someone who isn’t really a great match after all.
In addition, refraining from immediate sex can help you tell the difference between partners who are looking for love versus partners who are just hoping to get you into bed. However, if you happen to a woman who isn’t looking for a long-term relationship and doesn’t have any problems confusing sex with love, your confidence, and self-knowledge about your sexuality will be desirable too.
4. They stand up for themselves
While few men or women want a partner who is going to be exhaustingly high-maintenance or always going to insist on getting their own way, there’s no denying that the most attractive women are the ones who put the right kind of boundaries in place.
They speak up if they feel they’ve been treated unfairly, communicate their needs clearly and explicitly, and don’t let anyone treat them like a doormat. This type of persona commands deserved respect and adds an extra layer of desirability into the bargain.
5. They pursue their own hobbies and interests
Instead of trying to fuse with their partners, highly desirable women maintain their own, separate sense of identity by pursuing their own passions at the same time. This independence need not come at the expense of being truly close to a partner—it’s great to share hobbies and engage in joint projects. However, ensuring that you still feel like two individuals heightens awareness of your exciting differences, fueling sexual chemistry, and avoiding feelings of suffocating.
6. They make choices that are right for them
Finally, the women who are happiest as well as most desirable typically tend to be the ones who have shrugged off society’s expectations. Instead of desperately trying to attain a partner by a certain age or to tick other boxes that are part of a conventional “life plan”, these women know that it’s more important to be true to themselves.
This approach breeds less regret and allows an individual to exude a deeply attractive authenticity. When a woman like this chooses a partner, there’s a reassuring sense that the woman truly wants that partner—not just anyone who can adopt the role of a spouse or help them to start a family.