Breaking up is awkward, it’s hard to find the right words and you’re not sure how the other person is going to react. Since you’ve already decided that you want to reenter the single world the time has come to tell your partner that you’re ready to move on. The actual thought of calling it off is unappealing to you yet cutting out in a cruel fashion is not something you want. Here are a few tricks to ease the discomfort and get you out in one piece without looking ruthless.
Have a Voice to Voice
Let’s face it no one wants to look the person they’re dumping in the eye or listen to them weep on the phone midway into break-up speech. You might be tempted to just shoot them a quick text or type up an email and send it off into cyberspace and call it a day—well don’t. Just because you’re breaking up with your partner doesn’t mean you need to ditch your manners. Let them depart the relationship with some dignity by showing them enough respect to talk to them rather than bidding goodbye through Facebook.
Choose a Good Time and Place
The decision to call it quits is set but how do you decide the when and where factor? It’s better to end things in a place free of distractions. If you want to split up in person then head over to their house or meet up at the neighborhood park. Pick a place where you feel comfortable but remember not to choose a spot where your ex can be publicly humiliated (like a restaurant) as they may be more likely to cause a scene. If your flame lives in another state then calling it off over the phone may be the better option.
Wait until they’re away from the office to deliver the news as no one wants to be finishing out their workday with a shattered heart. Keep in mind that there is no perfect time and place for a breakup however, there are some options that are better than others.
Don’t Point Fingers
There’s a reason why you’re breaking up with your significant other and maybe it’s because something about them annoys you or they’re borderline crazy. Whatever the reason don’t play the blame game in the middle of the breakup. There’s no need to fight about who did what and where it all went wrong when it’s coming to an end. By this time next year will it really matter whether you told you are soon to be ex-partner that they needed to gain a personality?
Save the dumpee the details about every little nuisance they displayed that sent you running. If you want to offer up some closure to the infamous “why” then do it in a respectful manner without making it seem like they’re a complete failure.
Stop Leading Them On
One of the worst things you can do when breaking up with someone is to leave room for interpretation. Phrases like, “it’s not a good time in my life right now” or the ole “I think we should take a break” is not going to help the other person let go. In their mind, all they hear is “it’s not a good time but you still have a shot.”
Let’s be honest here, if you wanted to be with them you would be with them. Seeing as you no longer want to be in a relationship and have no plans of returning it would be wise not to leave things open. Take control and be direct about your intentions by not confusing them and offering false hope when reality points towards the end of the road.
Keep It Short
It’s completely useless to have an hour-long conversation about why you came to the decision and when you started feeling like it was over. Spare your ex the agony of being on the verge of a breakdown in front of a person who no longer wants to be part of their life. Be considerate of their feelings but remember to keep it short and round out the key point without delay. Don’t drag things on by chattering about all the little extras.
Wish Them Luck
Invoke the sandwich strategy (positive, negative, positive) it helps the conversation not take a turn for the worse and you will come out feeling like a decent human being. Let them know that it’s time for you to part ways but that you wish them the best for their future. It may not ease their heartbreak but it will show good character on your part. If you ever run into them in the future they won’t harvest feelings of anger for the time you cold-heartedly dumped them.
Gather Your Belongings
If you’ve been with your partner for a good chunk of time then there is a good chance that a portion of your possessions is at their place or vice-versa. Maybe you live with your future ex and you have joint goods that need to be divided. Regardless of the scenario, it’s important to get all of your property before you cut off ties with them. Doing so ensures that you won’t have to repurchase belongings or have an uncomfortable run-in with them long after the breakup.
Move On Without Looking Back
After having the final discussion and making an elegant exit it’s time to start your life and let them navigate theirs without you. This means no drunken text messages or late night calls if you find yourself feeling a little lonely. You broke up with them and acting like you’re their friend is not going to help their heart. Move forward with your life and let them do the same without being disrupted by your mood swings.
If there comes a time where you feel like you need to let go of your partner employ some of the tactics to maneuver through the messy separation. There is no guarantee that your ex will have a favorable reaction but at least you can leave in a way that any mother would be proud of. After everything is said and done head out into the world with your head held high and the attitude of an optimist because life has a better plan for you.