One of the worst things that can happen in your love life is to discover you’re with a person who cheats. Why are they cheating? Are their other partners better than you? Before your mind begins to race through countless questions, you must understand one crucial point: cheating has absolutely nothing to do with the person who is being cheated on. Many look for excuses to cheat, and make it seem as if you somehow pushed their actions in that direction.
However, this is not true. People cheat for many different reasons—some wish to feel wanted if they are feeling rejected, while others blame their actions on alcohol (when alcohol merely tends to exaggerate the personality of individuals). There is never a good excuse for cheating.
Here are some tips to help you become stronger after someone cheats on you. If you do decide to move forward in a relationship with a cheater, then be sure to ignore the excuses and focus on the challenge of forgiveness.
Apply a self-esteem Band-Aid
As what seems like the ultimate form of rejection, cheating can make you feel as if there is something wrong with you for choosing a person who acts in a hurtful manner. It can also make you feel somehow less valuable than you truly are because of the person your partner seems to be choosing over you.
There are countless resources to turn to—many best-sellers focus on the act of cheating. You may want to begin your healing journey by understanding cheating itself, but the healthiest thing you can do is focus on you. Now is the time to build yourself up and forget about why your partner cheated. Books that keep your mind on yourself through activities may be your best bet. For example, “The Self-Esteem Workbook” will keep your mind focused in a healthy direction.
Know that your cheater may be doing you the biggest favor of your life
Regardless of your marital status, the pain from being cheated on will be acute. However, so many things will come to light because of this experience. Perhaps the most unexpected benefit is finally seeing your partner for who they are. Further, you can learn a lot from looking at who they chose to cheat with—for example, perhaps they chose someone more like themselves. These revelations can help you to see that you may deserve so much more than you have chosen.
In addition, cheating brings certain personal issues to light, which can then be worked on. For example, maybe you never thought you deserved to be treated well—perhaps someone in your childhood or past relationship taught you that you did not deserve more than this most recent partner gave you.
As you continue to use workbooks and other things to help your self-esteem, try to stay busy. If you work, then throw your energy into doing a fantastic job, which will also help your confidence.
Many people who have been cheated on begin to obsess about the details of the affair and entertain countless questions about when their partner was misleading them. Your partner may not be entirely truthful about the details even after you find out. It is perfectly normal to have these thoughts but be kind to yourself during this time.
You should not have to figure out everything on your own. If you can find these answers from your partner, then try to get them. However, if you are no longer communicating with that person, then just know that these thoughts will eventually begin to subside with time.
Try natural health remedies like valerian root or hops if you have trouble sleeping. Calcium ALSO increases your production of melatonin, which can also make you sleepy. Spend time with people who care about you, or even just people who want to distract you from your problems! Were you and your partner supposed to see a certain movie together? Go with some friends, or just by yourself. Order as much popcorn as you want, and don’t share! There are many perks to being alone, even if it is temporary.
Be mindful of who you tell
Aside from your family and closest friends, you may not wish to divulge information about the affair until you decide how you feel about what happened first. You will likely hear countless opinions about what occurred, especially on social networks. Since your self-esteem will be fragile during this time, only tell those who have a caring and non-abrasive approach.
Take your power back
Being cheated on causes an indescribable pain that no one deserves, but there are certain positive things that will come out of this type of difficulty. First of all, you may want to talk to a professional about what occurred, because the incident may have brought up feelings from your past, or you may worry that you’ll never be to let another partner into your life.
Instead of viewing these changes in yourself as bad, think about how these changes can enhance your life—for example, you are likely to be much better at reading people and deciding who you can trust. However, you will certainly trust it again! It’s just that you’ll trust the right person next time. You may also be able to tell when someone is lying better than anyone else you know.
You have seen lying at its worst, so trivial lies from a friend (like “You must not have received my text”) will seem so obvious. You will become stronger from being cheated on because you will fully understand your great self-worth and the power of your intuition. Your gut feelings are unlikely to ever lead you anywhere but in the right direction.