When you’re in a healthy, committed relationship, you’re bound to butt heads. There are certain arguments that better a relationship, creating a stronger future. For example, speaking up about a difficult financial situation may cause an argument. However, it may also bring positive changes that benefit you as a couple.
You may encounter arguments that do not bring positive advancements during your relationship. There are certain areas and things that One should avoid. Saying certain things could not only hurt your partner but will not bring anything positive to your relationship. You want to grow stronger within your partnership; respect their feelings and thoughts.
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Things You Shouldn’t Say to Your Partner
You or your partner should not say the following ten things. They do not add anything beneficial to your relationship.
#1. “Is that what you’re wearing?”
Before your partner has time to respond, you have already set a negative tone. Your partner likes to be told straight regarding their fashion sense. If this is the case, then give your honest opinion. However, you do not need to tell them in a way that puts them down.
Everyone has a different fashion sense. Some feel confident in pieces that you would never wear. It’s not nice to feel as though you’re not looking good. This can be hurtful, especially if your partner is feeling confident. Let your partner express themselves as they please.
If something doesn’t match, give them your input. You can say, “Are your black pants clean? I feel as though they would look much better with that shirt.” This provides your honest opinion without providing direct, negative remarks.
#2. “I make more than you”
When you marry someone, you’re in a partnership. Although finances are vital, they are not the only aspect of your marriage. Some couples still keep their finances separate. If this is the case and you make more, you should only say this when you’re picking up the bill. If you’re saying it courteously and caringly, then it can be taken differently. However, it doesn’t need to be said at all.
If you’re arguing and this is said, it’s meant in a negative manner. Just because you make more doesn’t entitle you to more decisions or a higher level of respect. Yes, you may make more, but your partner may take care of the kids and do all the work around the house. They may also hold down a part-time job.
It’s belittling to hear something like this. You should equally respect one another. Make sure you’re contributing, but remember, it’s not always about financial contribution.
#3. “I don’t like your friend”
Unless your partner’s friend creates deliberate trouble in your relationship, there is no need to say something like this. Sure, some friends negatively influence people. If you’re concerned, then you should voice those concerns. However, if a friend is a little obnoxious, don’t say you do not like them.
You do not need to be their best friend, but respect that they’re your partner’s friend. Everyone has a group of friends for a reason. There’s a good chance that your partner’s friend has been there for them. Speaking ill of someone important to your partner is not beneficial for anyone involved.
#4. “Don’t go through my phone.”
Our phones are a reflection of our day-to-day life. You may have important details on your phone regarding work, such as your clients’ details and contact information. It’s okay to keep your information safe, but don’t tell your partner to leave your phone alone.
You may have absolutely nothing to hide, but think about how this makes your partner feel. If you have nothing to hide, make sure you don’t act as you do. If you freak out when they touch your phone, this can create mistrust. If your partner needs to use your phone, there shouldn’t be an issue.
If you have sensitive or important information, just let them know Who cannot remove it. If they’re conscious of this, then everything will be fine. They can use your phone, your information will be safe, and your relationship will not suffer. No one wants to feel like their partner is hiding something, so don’t make them feel this way.
#5. “We have to go see your family again?”
Family is so important. When you enter a relationship with your partner, you take on all aspects of their life. Family, of course, is a large part of that. Your partner’s family may be quirky, but they’re family. Respect this 100%.
It would help if you never kept your partner from seeing their family. If your partner wants to spend time with them, it’s nice that they want to include you all the time. If you feel certain aspects are not working, open communication healthily and constructively. For example, you may always be expected to spend the holidays with your partner’s family. Sit down with your partner and discuss how you’d like to see your family for Christmas this year.
#6. “At least I didn’t….”
This is regarding a moment when your partner showed weakness in some way or made a mistake that you have already resolved. If your partner left the window down in the car, and it rained, you can see what your issue would be. However, it was an accident. Why would you make your partner feel bad about something like this?
You cannot use a mistake or accident within an argument. It is not productive or healthy behaviour. When you imply that they did something dumb, you’re essentially putting them down. Always think about the scenario if it was the opposite way around. Would you like to be treated that way?
#7. “I’m fine…” (When you’re not)
Although this is not directed at your partner, it could hurt your partnership. If something is on your mind, you need to talk about it. Harboring it will only make it fester into something worse. If your partner has said or done something that upset you, don’t pretend that you’re fine.
Communication is so important within a healthy relationship. You need to tell each other how you’re feeling. That way, you can resolve situations there and then. This will create a healthier, stronger bond.
#8. “You wouldn’t understand.”
Whether you’re upset or trying to figure out a solution to a specific problem, don’t tell your partner that they wouldn’t understand. Once again, this is closing off communication. If you’re upset about something, make them understand. Speak to them, as they likely want to help you calm down and feel better.
Don’t make them feel inferior if you’re trying to figure out a solution. If you say, ‘you wouldn’t understand,’ you’re effectively saying they’re not as clever as you. It would help if you were happy that they want to give their input and help you. Do not shut your partner down; it will not benefit either party.
#9. “Well my friends said….”
If you were talking to your friends about relationships, they would likely give you their opinions. They’re opinions. Your friends are not relationship experts and do not know what is best for you and your partner.
You must stay close to your friends, but do not let them dictate your relationship. Perhaps you go to them when things are tough. They may only hear negative aspects of your relationship, which does not benefit anyone. You do not want to turn your friends against your partner, especially if they’re good to you. That’s not fair. Please don’t make your partner feel like it’s you and your friends against them.
#10 “You’re eating again?”
If your partner already had dinner but is eating a late snack, don’t make them feel bad about it. This can make someone feel as though they have gained weight. Weight gain can have a serious effect on your partner’s self-esteem.
If you’re truly concerned about their weight due to health concerns, then speak to them about it in a more caring manner. Don’t keep pointing out all the times they eat. You do not want to make them feel as though they’re under your watch. You wouldn’t want to feel that way. Suggest specific healthy snacks that provide your partner with nutrients. Just let them know that you care about their well-being.
